It's Jan. 11, 2009 and last night it was very cold. I so look forward to warmer weather, and more sun. Today, we are blessed with more sun, and I am so grateful!Netflix has done something that in some ways has helped me, but in other ways has not. . .they figured out how to allow INSTANT MOVIE ACCESS on Macintosh Computers. During this cold and frustrating time, before the ousting of Bush and Cheney, before what I can only hope is the audacity of faith in the American people to no longer put up with disappearing money going into secret gov. projects, the lies, the raping of the middle class, before the birth of the new Rennaissance in the world where there is more personel respect for fellow human beings and respect for talent and honesty, and a return to the self respect we all can earn by being involved with our own hands in the process of creativity. . .before all of that comes to be. . .or I hope comes to be. . .I have been watching way too many movies.
There was a time when I looked to the human experience in song lyrics, and now I'm doing that same thing in watching movies. I've seen a whole lot of human experiences from Native American Indians dealing with catholic priests when this country was still covered in forests, to seeing old guys playing "Space Cowboys." It has helped pass the time, and given me a LOT of insight. So many years have gone by without me having an opportunity to watch movies that I've kinda gone a little crazy on this tangent.
Success is a subject that has been in my mind lately. Thinking about business/the human experience/and what does time and the human experience hold for us? I.E. - "why are we here?" "what IS success?" I just am getting out of the past four years of working very hard at trying to have a business - that didn't go well financially, but was it a failure? was it a success? Could i possibly have picked a worse time in American history to try to create a new business - involving art and creativity - than during a Republican Bush/Cheney administration? ha ha ha ha ha ha Am I stupid? Did I really fail? and to whose criteria am I to be held? Was my "mission" to create financial security for myself and other artists? or was it to "stir the pot?" To shake up the status quo? Concerning the latter, I am a HUGE success!!!! I made new friends, I supported many people, I showed many people creativity like they have never seen before, I stepped into the lion's den and taught people that it was okay to hope, to open their eyes to joy and beauty, for them to learn a different way of thinking and acting. I gave some a new skill, I gave some a new perspective. Financial "security" is an oxy-moron as we all know. . .I could have had more balanced books, I could have made a financial profit for myself, I could have . . .
. . .what truly has more value here? Investing in fellow human beings? or having a pile of greenbacks to falsely make us feel more "secure?" Watching all the movies, some of which have NOT had a "happy ending" or even a satisfying ending. . .has given me pause to think about what BEING a human being really means. I think truly that we are here as an experiment of consciousness, to explore and push the limits as much as we "humanly" can. I have NOT played it SAFE in all of my 55 years!!!!!! I did things MY WAY, even tho they lead to hard lessons for myself and some others who have been involved with me. When contemplating the idea of "regrets" - I have to say that getting to the point of evolution that I have arrived at in this incarnation, the lessons that I've learned in this lifetime - INCLUDING THE SO CALLED MISTAKES - that I have succeeded in having one wild ride in the human sleigh, and I'm looking forward to this new year opening up and getting back into the boat to flow WITH the current this time, to flow downstream and not fight life so much, and see where this new attitude can take me as I continue to explore.
(I started writing this entry on the 8th, but finished it on the 11th - if you see the contradiction of dates)
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