Take the Splash into 2009 with me!
I have had some intense emotionally charged events happen to me in the past year (which concerned the previous 4 years) that I am told are just about to come to an end. It had to do with me going against my better judgement and doing things according to the standards and desires of other people. I didn't consult enough advise, I did what I usually do, I jumped in with both feet thinking that my intensions were good and that "somehow" things would just work out. Altho I agree that it is paramount to be positive and to bring your best game and attitude to the table, it is also good to not allow yourself to foolishly be lead into situations that are more a need and desire of other people than they are yours.
The past four years, I was involved in a business designed to bring creativity to the masses. The intension was good, but my set up was terribly flawed. I listened to salesmen, or as it turns out salespersons and I was "easy" for them to manipulate because I though that what I was doing was good, righteous, creative, for the good of many not just myself. What I failed to realize was that I never really considered what was good for ME, and how this situation was going to actually work. There is selflessness for a good reason, and then there is just being foolish.
Once I was in, I was over my head because I had given my power away to people who were running THEIR BUSINESS PLANS on top of mine. I was trapped and I had walked myself right into the cage. And it is true, that you have the key to unlock your own cage. My guilt, and anger at myself, and resentment of the salespersons who had lead me into the cage and my desire to "prove them wrong" - my stubborness, my IRISH. . .all kept me trapped. I stayed there for 4 YEARS under these conditions. Incredible really.
Once the notion that I could actually do things to get myself OUT of the situation. . .the Universe itself moved Heaven and Earth to help me. People came to my aide, my "enemies" kept enough distance so that I could maneuver myself physically to get not only my own possessions out of the space, but also that I could secure the work of a lot of other people's property and get it out also.
The past year has involved consulting lawyers and being involved with the courts and paperwork that I neither fully understand nor appreciate, but I knew that the consequences were dire if I did NOT comply.
I now find myself at a crossroads, a place of tremendous change because I was told yesterday morning that I had jumped through all of the correct hoops and that my episode of traveling into the DARK SIDE is now over. So 4 years of hard work and labor, in a cage, that did have moments of enlightenment and a free exchange of ideas with a LOT of new people in my life that I do NOT regret, but 4 years of hell, and ONE year of cleanup with legal things, and I believe that I can immerse myself now into this new year, draw the line in the sand and step over it. . . SPLASH INTO SPRING with a new attitude.
The reason that the past year upset me so much is because I felt like I could be "surprised" at any moment with crippling consequences from those salespersons who want to see me fail and fail hard.
I didn't have a place to put my back up against a wall. I was very vulnerable and I did NOT like it. I tried to do a very good thing for a lot of people - and I was punished for my efforts by the business world which is ruthless and unfeeling and unemotional in it's consequences. The fulfillment of the recent hoop jumping that I completed was the end game of getting OUT of the business world and dealing with things on their terms. I do NOT belong in that business as usual environment, and it was as difficult to GET OUT, playing by their rules, as it was to try to RUN a business under their rules.
I am so much better off with two ideas. . . STEADY AS SHE GOES. . . and . . . KEEP YOUR OVERHEAD LOW!!!!! I just no longer need to become a part of someone else's plans or cumulative ideas. . .I need to operate as myself and open myself up to other people on that basis, i.e. trade my creativity for other people's ability to pay me for my input, I need to DO my own creative projects and then offer them to people, I need to engage in teaching people who want to learn what I have learned, and I need to be content with the joy of living in Nature and doing glass and drawings and paintings of that Nature that I am surrounded by which will also draw to me - incredible people who want to include me in their lives. I am so ready to change the heading of my life to now move in a more positive direction!
It is going to be a glorious and wonderful new year!!!!!!!
